Forget Aging in Place: What’s Your Golden Girls Plan?

Ask almost anyone where they want to live as they grow older, and you'll hear some version of the same answer:

“I want to stay in my home.”

It's understandable. Home represents independence, familiarity, memories, comfort and control. According to AARP's Home and Community Preferences Survey, 75% of adults age 50 and older say they want to remain in their current homes as they age, and 73% want to remain in their communities. (AARP)

We have even created a term for it: aging in place.

The National Institute on Aging describes aging in place as staying in your own home as you grow older. But it also emphasizes something that sometimes gets lost in the conversation: successfully remaining at home requires planning for the help, services, transportation, safety and care you may eventually need. (National Institute on Aging)

After more than 35 years working in the field of aging, I think we need to ask a bigger question.

Instead of simply asking:

“Do I want to age in place?”

We should be asking:

“Will this place allow me to live the life I want as I grow older?”

Those are two very different questions.

What Does Aging in Place Really Mean?

When most people say they want to age in place, what they usually mean is:

I don't want to leave my house.

But staying in your house is only one part of successfully aging in place.

Think about everything required to continue living independently.

• Can you safely navigate your home?
• What happens if stairs become difficult?
• Can you maintain the house and yard?
• Can you afford the taxes, insurance, utilities, repairs and modifications?
• What happens if you stop driving?
• Can you get groceries?
• Can you get to medical appointments?
• Where will you exercise?
• Who will help if you become sick?
• Who could realistically help you with meals, medications, bathing or dressing if you eventually need assistance?

And just as importantly:

Who will you spend time with?

That's why aging in place isn't simply about installing grab bars and replacing a bathtub with a walk-in shower.

AARP's research illustrates the challenge. More than half of adults 50+ say they need a home that supports independent aging, and many anticipate needing modifications such as grab bars and improved entryways. At the same time, 44% of adults 50+ expect that they will relocate at some point. (AARP)

Our desire to stay home and our ability to stay home aren't necessarily the same thing.

Staying Home Isn't the Same as Living Well

This is where I think our aging-in-place conversation needs to change.

We have made staying in the house the measure of success.

• But what if you successfully remain in your house until you're 90—and you're lonely?
• What if you can navigate your home perfectly well, but you can no longer drive and nothing is within walking distance?
• What if you have three empty bedrooms but rarely have anyone sitting across from you at the dinner table?
• What if maintaining the house is consuming money you could be using to travel, pursue hobbies, spend time with family or enjoy your life?
• What if you eventually need several hours of paid assistance every day?

Technically, you may be successfully aging in place.

But are you living well in place?

I think that's the more important goal.

Maybe the Golden Girls Had It Right

Which brings me to one of my favorite examples of alternative aging:

The Golden Girls.

Think about Blanche, Dorothy, Rose and Sophia.

Yes, it was a television sitcom. But underneath the cheesecake, shoulder pads and hilarious one-liners was a surprisingly interesting model for later life.

These women shared a home.

But more importantly, they shared a life.

They ate together.

They celebrated together.

They argued.

They laughed.

They noticed when someone wasn't herself.

They helped one another through illness, relationships, family problems and life's inevitable disappointments.

They maintained their independence while also having something increasingly valuable as we grow older:

people nearby.

In today's language, we might call elements of their arrangement home sharing, intentional living or chosen family.

I call it the Golden Girls Plan.

And no, I'm not suggesting that everyone find three friends and move into a house in Miami.

Although the cheesecake part sounds pretty good.

I'm suggesting that we think about what made their arrangement work.

It wasn't just the house.

It was the ecosystem.

Who Are Your People?

One of the biggest assumptions we make about aging is that someone will be there when we need help.

But who exactly is that person?

Your children?

Maybe.

But where will they live?

Will they be working?

Will they be raising children of their own?

Will they be physically and financially able to help?

Your friends?

Possibly.

But they will be aging too.

Your neighbors?

Perhaps—but have you actually developed those relationships?

This is where the Golden Girls model becomes interesting.

They had built proximity into their relationships.

They didn't have to schedule companionship.

Someone was already at the kitchen table.

As we plan for our future, we need to think about social infrastructure just as seriously as physical infrastructure.

Not just:

Do I have a first-floor bedroom?

But:

Who will I have lunch with?

Ryan Frederick and the Power of Place

One of the people doing particularly interesting work in this area is Ryan Frederick, founder of Here and author of Right Place, Right Time: The Ultimate Guide to Choosing a Home for the Second Half of Life.

Frederick challenges us to think beyond the traditional aging-in-place question and consider the broader relationship between place and well-being.

Through Here, he has developed a concept called Place Planning—a research-based approach to intentionally choosing and evaluating where we live throughout different stages of life. Here examines place through four interconnected dimensions:

Environment. Health. Community. Finances.

That framework immediately expands the conversation.

Your "place" isn't simply your house.

It's your home plus everything around it that makes your life possible.

• Is your environment accessible?
• Does your location make healthy choices easier?
• Are you connected to other people?
• Can you afford to continue living there?
• Those are very different questions from:
• “Is my mortgage paid off?”

Frederick's work makes another important point: the right place can change as our lives change. Place Planning isn't only for people who are "old." It's useful during transitions such as becoming an empty nester, retiring, experiencing a health change or simply deciding that the place that worked for the last chapter may not work for the next one. (Here Life)

You can explore Ryan Frederick's work and take Here's Place Planning Assessment at Here.life.

Your Home Is Part of Your Healthspan Plan

We talk constantly about exercise, nutrition, sleep and preventive healthcare when discussing healthy aging.

But we rarely talk about place.

Yet think about how much your environment influences your behavior.

If you live somewhere walkable, you're more likely to move.

If friends live nearby, connection becomes easier.

If you can easily access parks, restaurants, libraries, fitness centers and cultural activities, engagement becomes easier.

If your home requires constant maintenance, physical labor and money, that affects your life too.

And if your community requires you to drive everywhere, losing the ability to drive could dramatically change your independence.

Where you live can either support the life you're trying to create or make that life increasingly difficult.

That's why housing belongs in any serious conversation about healthspan and longevity.

Don't Just Plan for Your House. Plan for Support.

There's another uncomfortable part of aging in place that we need to discuss.

Care.

Aging in place doesn't necessarily mean aging independently.

You may remain in your home while receiving help with transportation, housekeeping, meals, medications, personal care or healthcare.The National Institute on Aging notes that support at home can range from household chores and transportation to personal care such as bathing and dressing and healthcare services. Some of that assistance may come from family and friends; some may need to be purchased. (National Institute on Aging)

So when someone tells me:

“I'm staying in this house forever.”

My next question is:

“What's the plan that makes that possible?”

• Who provides the help?
• How much will it cost?
• Can your home accommodate a caregiver?
• What happens if you need overnight help?
• What happens if one spouse becomes the caregiver for the other?
• And at what point might another living arrangement actually provide more independence, rather than less?

Those conversations are much easier to have at 60 or 65 than during a crisis at 85.

Think in Chapters, Not Forever

Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes we make is believing we need to choose one place and stay there forever.

We don't.

A longer life may require several different places.

The house that works beautifully at 55 may become burdensome at 75.

The condo that's perfect at 75 may feel isolating at 85.

And a senior living community that once sounded completely unappealing might eventually provide exactly what you want—friends nearby, transportation, meals, activities, exercise opportunities and help available if needed.

Instead of asking:

“Where am I going to live for the rest of my life?”

Try asking:

“What kind of place will best support my next chapter?”

That changes everything.

Picture an Ordinary Tuesday at 80

Here's an exercise I encourage you to try.

Imagine yourself at 80.

Don't imagine Christmas.

Don't imagine a vacation.

Don't imagine your birthday surrounded by children and grandchildren.

Imagine Tuesday.

You wake up.

Where are you?

Who else is there?

Can you comfortably navigate your home?

What do you do that morning?

Where do you exercise?

How do you get there?

Who do you talk to?

Where do you have lunch?

How do you get groceries?

What happens if you need to see your doctor?

What do you do that evening?

And if something goes wrong at 10:00 that night...

Who can you call?

That ordinary Tuesday tells you much more about your future than simply deciding whether you want to stay in your current house.

Create Your Own Golden Girls Plan

Your Golden Girls Plan doesn't have to involve three roommates and a cheesecake.

Maybe it's a walkable condo near your friends.

Maybe it's a 55+ community.

Maybe it's a smaller accessible home near your children.

Maybe it's a Life Plan Community where you move while you're healthy and independent.

Maybe it's an urban apartment where restaurants, healthcare, entertainment and transportation are right outside your door.

Maybe it's co-housing.

Maybe it's home sharing.

And yes, maybe it's exactly the house you're living in today.

But if staying home is your choice, make it a plan—not simply a preference.

Ask yourself:

Does my home support my future physical needs?

Can I afford to maintain it?

How will I get around if I stop driving?

Where will care come from if I need it?

Who will be part of my everyday life?

Does my community make connection easy?

Does where I live support my health, purpose and independence?

And perhaps the biggest question:

Will this place help me continue living the life I want?

Because the goal isn't simply to remain in our homes for as long as possible.

The goal is to remain engaged, connected, purposeful and as independent as possible for as long as possible.

Maybe we need to stop asking:

“Do I want to age in place?”

And start asking:

“Am I creating the right place in which to age?”



Ryan Frederick calls it Place Planning.

I like to think of it another way:

What's your Golden Girls Plan?

Who are your people?

Where is your place?

Where will your support come from?

And what can you start doing today to create a life worth getting older for?