A love letter to my pals

One of the greatest things about being a woman is friendships. Not just acquaintances but deep, intense and personal relationships with women who often know you better than yourself. Those women who hold you up, put you in your place, and make you belly laugh so hard that your sides hurt and you pee yourself. Those are my people. Those are my pals. 

I just finished watching Firefly Lane (Netflix) and it’s a must watch chick flick. Pour some wine, grab some tissues and prepare to be enthralled by a love story about Tully and Kate who meet in high school and manage to hold onto their relationship until the very end. The series is based on the fabulous novel by Kristen Hannah and I read everything she writes. I’m a fan. The story is intimate, funny and relatable. I loved the book and I loved the series even more. One of my dear pals Ryan texted me last night and told me she wanted me to be her Tully and stand with her through this life. Of course I was flattered (Tully is fabulous) and said yes.Her text confirms that this story resonates with women because we understand how much friendships enhance our lives. 

Friendships are often formed through life passages like school, marriage, family, motherhood and careers. Some last a lifetime and others end, or fade away. They all impact our hearts. I’ve terminated friendships that weren’t good for me and I’ve been ghosted by a friend I truly loved at a time when I really needed her the most. It’s devastating to lose people you care about but it happens. Friendships are like any relationship. They require love, kindness, patience and time.Time to spend together, chat, support and connect. It’s worth the investment and I feel rich. 

The headlines remind us daily of the value of social connections and how loneliness is literally killing us. Research shows that social isolation can be as damaging to an individual’s health as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. Being alone, feeling alone, literally leads to poor health. Social interactions provide the means via which we gradually become able to see ourselves through the eyes of others, and how we learn who we are and how we fit into the world around us. We need people now more than ever. Maybe that’s why Firefly Lane so deeply touched me. Observing Tully and Kate’s lifelong commitment to each other was a testimony to friendships. They weren’t family. They had their own lives, but they mattered to each other and they made that a priority. It reminded me how grateful I am to my friends and how much I really need them in my life. Giving love and receiving love is medicine for the heart and soul. 

I am fiercely loyal and my friends get the real me. I want the same from them. My circle is not small, it's just right. It includes all the people I have encountered on my journey who have impacted me and those who remain in my life. I feel at home in the comfort of others who allow me to be authentic because pretending to be someone else is exhausting. Each of my friendships deserves a chapter with details about how we met, why I love them and what they bring to my lif but the first chapter has to be the story of the pals. The pals have been my friends since junior high school and the gang includes Amy, Audrey, Lisa and Lynda. Today we are all on the verge of sixty and we have known each other for over forty years. It wasn’t a best friend connection in school but we hung out together a lot and after we all graduated we continued to run wild. Eventually we  called ourselves the secret pal club. This was our excuse to hang out often and act ridiculous. It worked and we’re still going strong. The original intention was to have a “secret” pal that you showered with surprise gifts on holidays and birthdays. We eventually dropped that nonsense and took up the name psycho pals because Pablo thought that’s what we called ourselves. English is his second language but it was fitting and it stuck. 

We've had over forty years of life together and we are still hanging out and hanging on. We're a lot older, somewhat wiser but mostly we are the same chicks that laughed uncontrollably as my Ford Pinto ran out of gas (again) and we ran behind it for a half a mile as we rolled into the local gas station. Breathless and amused. We still create memories that we can pull up over and over and over again. We laugh as if it’s the funniest thing in the world. No one gets us. Don’t even try. The memories we cherish are only appreciated from the heart of forever friends. We're the pals. 

Even through life’s interruptions as adults (and there have been plenty) we have remained dedicated to finding time to spend together. We’ve had dry spells and moments when we had to rouse up the effort and make time  for each other but we do it. We don’t talk daily or even monthly but when we do get together it’s just like old times with the exception of weaker bladders and more time needed for recovery. Road trips and overnights are the preferred venue because this time allows us to drink excessively and have hours of uninterrupted chuckles, reminiscing and raucous behavior. We are loud, rowdy, obnoxious and proud of it. Thank you Pablo for allowing me to host our most recent slumber party. I was always the single pal and usually the host for these events especially since hotels are not really conducive for our needs to banter loudly all night. The tradition continues.

Each new decade is memorialized by a special trip and photo albums that are brought to life through reminiscing and more laughter. For our fortieth we went to Mexico which may not have been a wise idea but we did make it back in one piece and no one was detained. Trust me, that was a miracle. I cannot share additional details because a lady doesn’t tell and what happens in Mexico must stay there. I did come back from that trip and got divorced from #2 but all my pals are still married to their same incredible husbands. Let’s keep it that way. For our fiftieth we went to Myrtle Beach (a little more tame) but entertaining nonetheless. The drive alone on that trip deserves a full chapter and once again, we were grateful for our safe return. Next year we turn sixty and we have decided the mature thing would be to rent a house on the beach in Alabama so we could spend unlimited days kicking off a new decade of friendship. It’s  going to be epic and I cannot wait.

The pals have been by my side at the worst moments of my life and the best. The ways that these women have stepped up for me throughout my life is incredible and it brings tears to my eyes to know that they always have my back. Thank you pals for loving me. Thank you for helping me to move six hundred times and holding me up through two divorces and the death of my parents. They selflessly stepped in and managed everything including emptying the house after their death so I didn’t have to deal with the tragic remnants. They visited me in Cape Girardeau when I left CIncinnati to follow my heart and also traveled eight hours to the Ozarks to see me walk down the aisle when I finally had enough sense to marry a good man. 

These are my Pal and this is my love letter to you. 

Thanks to all the friends in my life who know and love me. I love you back. You are each the chapters of my life that make me who I am today and I love our story. Because of you I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more. 

I hope my story will encourage you to nurture your friendships, rekindle old friendships, and make new friends. It requires an effort that may not seem important but it is. And don’t forget the only way to have a friend is to be one. Reach out, let someone know you care about them.